Men = Kittens

About a year ago, a Momcat and her 4 kittens adopted my patio as a safe haven. The kittens were so cute I couldn’t stand it. The other reason I couldn’t stand it was because I’m highly allergic to cats. Even moreso than dogs. But they were so damn cute. I even named them: Fuzzball, Moxie, Patches and Lumpy. I fed Momcat and her kittens. Never got close enough to pet them, but in the end I had them taken away. They’re presumably in Kitten Heaven somewhere.

About 4 months ago, it happened again. A new golden stripy Momcat and her three black kittens. Once again I fed them. Didn’t name them, because I couldn’t tell them apart. They disappeared after awhile (which was fine), but then a few weeks later one of the kittens started showing up in my patio in the evening.

She sits patiently, staring through the sliding glass window until I come out and give her some food. After she eats, she sits again and stares patiently until I come out and rub her tummy. Sometimes she stares at me because she’s not thrilled with what’s on the menu (I feed her mostly table scraps). She nuzzles my ankles, nibbles my toes and is generally adorable. I’ve named her Inky. She has another sibling with a white snowflake on its chest I’ve named Flakey, and another sibling mostly black I’ve named Stinky. But I don’t see Flakey and Stinky these days, only Inky. Perhaps they’ve adopted some other humans.

Now Inky shows up in the mornings too. She’s not as cuddly in the morning – I guess she’s not a morning cat – and sometimes she’s curled up in one of the patio chairs. I’m trying to decide what to do. Do I formally adopt her? Do I take her to the Vet and get her “fixed” and inoculated? I have to keep her outdoors. My allergy isn’t going away. In fact, I’m quite certain I’m not getting a cold this year because of all the OCD hand washing I’m doing.

It’s hard to justify “getting rid” of her. After all, she just wants some food and some cuddling. That’s it.

And then it hit me.

Why, Inky is just like ALL the men I’ve ever known! Inky’s needs are just like a man’s. And all men are kittens!

Feed me.
Be nice to me.
Cuddle me (i.e. give me a you-know-what).

In return, I’ll be cute, warm, fuzzy and purr when you touch me.

When it comes to kittens, we’re ok with it. We don’t worry about “active listening” or “tenderness.” We like it when they get all excited when we walk in the room – even though all they want is a bit of tuna. We don’t really care when they go off in the middle of the day. We know they’ll be back for dinner. And cuddling.

They get to be taken care of. And we get to believe we have “a companion.”

So it is with kittens as it is with men. Think how much easier your life would be if you could think of your man as a big, soft kitten. A kitten who actually rubs you back (now and then).

So gals, my advice is, simplify your life!. Stop trying to make your man into something he’s not. Something that goes against his nature. He’s just a ManKitten.Your job is to feed your ManKitten, be nice to him, and rub his…erm…tummy. His job is to show up for dinner, and purr when you pet him. He’ll look at you lovingly when you serve him food, and howl if you’re not there when he expects it.

That’s all there is to it. You’re not going to make your man into an uber-girlfriend, ever. You can’t force him to be more sensitive or attentive. He’s a ManKitten. A simple creature. Stop expecting him to change. Instead, embrace his inner ManKitten-ness.

And accept the fact that there might be more than one pussy in the house (oh, did I just say that??)

(And for more wit and wisdom, check out my book.)